September, 2008 Edition

by Ms. Duh
Contributing Columnist

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Flog me, there was no August column. I was BUSY. Really. I was. Screwing up ones life in a deep and meaningful way is hard work and takes ALL the concentration one can muster. But, since then, I dun crapped it up real good, so now I have time for you. My loyal audience of 7. My mini-throng of followers. My sub-legion of the Duh-willing and obedient.

Have a FEW Mac related things to rant about.

If you know me, you know that I hate AT&T. And not in that, "I hate black licorice" sort of way. It's a concrete, seething sort of feeling that literally has me flipping off AT&T logos on passing service vans. The customer service is horrendous, especially if you get caught in that automated voice system bear trap. That will suck the will to live out of you faster than, say, having your toenails ripped off with a pair of needle nosed pliers dipped in salt water. First of all, the thing can NEVER EVER understand what I say on the first try. Sometimes it will hang up on me. Sometimes it will suddenly start speaking in Spanish to me. Since my credit score is ... well... 13, I had to get a little Gophone account for my iphone (this little reality MIGHT disqualify me from getting a 3G iphone - you know, that required contract deal and all) and since I can't use my iphone as a phone because the only place I can get signal is apparently sitting on TOP of a cell tower, I have an abundance of left over minutes and whatnot. I HAVE to enroll in the automatic bill paying program, and if I don't, they just TAKE my money in the account. JUST TAKE IT. JUST... TAKE... IT. So, now my cell phone account has more money in it than my checking account and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. To top off my supernova-sized rage at AT&T, I have to get a landline because my phone doesn't act like a phone, and you know who is my phone company? Bellsouth (AT&T). I nearly plotzed. No. I lied. I plotzed. So, I am AT&T's bitch. I love my iphone, and have started buying Bibles, Korans, a couple of statues of Buddha and some copies of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard in hopes of influencing whatever ULTIMATE FORCE that controls the Apple universe to convince them to switch to Verizon. Verizon may suck, but it sucks in a way that will still let me use the phone.

Okay. Onto the rest of it.

I watched the Apple "special event" video. I always get that dippy hippie vibe from Jobs. And somebody give that man a sandwich. There was news on the success of iPods. There were new versions of Pods and Touches. There were software releases. Nothing really earth shattering for me. I could use a click wheel or some sort of iPod control on the iPhone so that when I'm driving, I can change songs and playlists without having to look at the thing.

New color iPods. Whupdee Frikken Doo. Yes. I have an iPod of sorts and I use it. First they aren't color, next they are, then they aren't. I think the colors come and go depending on whether someone at Apple got the good quality pot that month. It's amazing that Apple is the #1 music distributor. I'm thinking the record company executives should be lining up and smooching Steve Job's butt for revitalizing music industry and opening up new marketing paradigms. And I think I'm the only one pretty psyched about this Genius functionality in iTunes because, really, the only place I'm starting to learn about new music is web commercials, and that's pretty sad.

Macworld is coming up. I'll be able to go. Got no money to take to Macworld, but 3 out of the 5 Macworlds I have been to, I had no job and no money, so its not like I'm not used to begging free drinks and eating airline peanuts for my meals. I am one of those wide-eyed tourist types and a big mac-mac fanboi to boot, so I'll be that embarrassingly goofy chick wandering around San Francisco, taking pictures of street signs and the homeless.

So, to summarize, go out, get an ipod, go to Macworld and buy some music in iTunes. Oh, and call me. Since I have all these minutes left, we can gab for hours.



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